American Dad?

I was in Meijer's yesterday afternoon scoping out the perfect Father's Day card when I found myself reading almost every Father's Day card they had. I was pretty bored, Erica was out of town, but I think it was the fact that they were so engrossing. It's not that I needed a good laugh, but I couldn't help but notice the themes from the cards. Card after card, row after row, shelf after shelf, the same tired, superficial themes kept coming up. I've listed all ten themes here, in no particular order.

1. Money - Dad is a good source for money. As a kid, irrespective of your age, Dad has money. Dad's money is your money, but you have to beg for it.
   
2. Remote Control - Dad has primary jurisdiction of the remote control. Since everyone watches gobs of television, it is only right that someone reigns supreme over the programming. That is where Dad comes in, with a little help from technology.
   
3. Remorseful Behavior - You were/are a hellian, and you sort of feel bad about it. Not bad enough to genuinely tell him about it, just bad enough to have a cartoon duck tell him.
4. Beer - All dads drink beer, presumably to escape the problems that you created for him with the help of your siblings. His troubles at work are part of it, but you really compound the problem. He really appreciates it when you bring him a beer from the fridge. He's still working on a robotic device that will fetch beer for him, at which time you will be phased out. But, he's at least two years away from a prototype. So you're safe.... for now.
   
5. Sports - Dad has no time for parenting when sports are on television. And with the family of networks provided by ESPN, sports are always on. So draw your own conclusions.
   
6. Overweight - Dads are overweight and have excessive amounts of body hair.
   
7. Cooking Out - The only time Dad helps out in the kitchen is when the kitchen is outside and there is fire involved. In fact, Dad does little in the kitchen other than monitor how long the door is open.
   
8. Ties - Normal Dad's wear ties, most of which the wife hates. There's a good chance that you'll be visited by the ghost of bad ties' past.
9. You Never Talked With Dad - You and Dad never really spoke about anything important. You just gave each other hell about various things.
10. Naps - Dad took them. Despite his obvious snoring, he swears he was only "resting his eyes." This is a family favorite.
    

Sure, these have their moments of being funny. I'll concede that. But is this really what we think of our Dads? Lazy, unattached, emotionless, beer guzzlers? I hope not. These cards send a very strong message about our Dads and our American culture - one that I'm not sure we want to send.

P.S. In case you're wondering, I went with #10 for my selection. Dad always "rest his eyes." You oughta see it.